Labeling Kids

I am guilty of what I am about to write about, but I have to put it out there. I have labeled my daughter skinny. This was not intentional; she was trying on clothes, and I mentioned how skinny she was. I imagine that this is part of how she will define herself for a while, but was it fair of me to label her so?

While I don't think that this is detrimental to her self esteem, what if I had said, "You are bow-legged" or "you are chubby"--neither of which is true, but comments on their appearance can influence their self perception for a lifetime. I say all of this because overweight kids are being labeled as such, if not at home then elsewhere. This will affect their self esteem, especially as they get older, and perpetuate their excess weight issue. They will begin to eat for comfort, if they don't already.

So what do you do if you have overweight children? First, try not to label them as such. What I try to emphasize in our household is health, not image. I explain to my kids why too much sugar is bad for them (cavities, empty calories, diseases like diabetes), and why I want them to eat their vegetables (phytochemicals to prevent disease, fiber to keep their gut healthy, and antioxidants for eliminating toxins). These detailed explanations may seem extreme, but they need to know the truth about their food choices. We talk about artificial colors and flavors that are put into food. We make a game out of reading a food label--is a particular food healthy or not according to the food label?

Second, we have rules that I try to adhere to as much as possible. Tori and Brendan are allowed one sweet thing everyday, so as to not feel deprived (not including fruit). They are not allowed to snack much--one to twp hours before meal time and two hours after (except if it is bed time--then they have to wait until morning). They are fed three well balanced meals at approximately the same time every day, so they don't get too hungry and over-indulge. I am pretty strict about all of this because it is up to us, the parents, to teach them when it is appropriate to eat and when it is not.

A friend of my daughter's came over one day. From the time she got here until she left, she wanted food. Did she need to eat because she was truly hungry? No, she ate a good dinner with us (two helpings of everything), and twenty minutes later, she was asking for a snack. I don't know her circumstances at home, but if she was my child, I would make her wait two hours before she could eat again, and, of course, she would only then be offered a healthy snack. I would have also limited her servings at meal time allowing her more vegetables or some fruit, but not bread and meat, and explain why.

Children need us to intervene for them, and teach them good eating habits. I think sometimes we are afraid to say "no" for many different reasons. Maybe some parents don't want to make an issue out of their child's weight, and thus go to the opposite extreme and allow their child to eat whatever whenever they want. However, the issue is not with their weight, it is with their health. We must emphasize how crucial good eating habits are and not make their weight the issue. I hope you are not afraid to tell your child, "No. You cannot have a snack because we are eating soon," or "No. You did not eat a good dinner and it is bedtime, so you cannot have a snack." Also, "No, you already had a dessert today, so you cannot have a cookie." Or "No. We cannot eat at McDonald's. It would be better to make something healthy at home."

When I worked for WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), we were encouraged to tell parents not to use food as a reward or punishment. I agreed with this philosophy at the time. Then I had kids, and I found that withholding or offering dessert is a powerful motivator. WIC's philosophy was that parents shouldn't make sweets into something special. I disagree with this now because I believe that dessertsshould be a treat to only be had occasionally, or once a day in our case. Honestly, I wish that it was only once a week, but sometimes you have to make concessions. As long as my kids eat their vegetables, I will concede one dessert a day.

We should stand firm in our resolve to make our kids healthier. It is difficult at times because parents want to give their kids everything they can, so why not give them the types of food they want when they want it? Be strong--teach your kids the value of good choices, good nutrition, and health. They will not only be healthier but you will equip them with skills that they will need the rest of their lives.